Good Night, Sweet Ellen

Ellen Crush
September 23, 1954 to August 23, 2007

After 52 years and 11 months earthside, our dear friend Ellen departed heavenward on Thursday.

Shortly after Steven finished treatment, I became acquainted with Ellen through the internet, a mutual friend got us together.

Ellen was a teacher and a published writer. Possessed of a sharp wit, a bawdy sense of humor, boundless generosity and great compassion, I followed her writings with great interest.

Ellen and Curtis at their church wedding

Her marriage to Curtis was the stuff of fairy tales. It was the second time around for Ellen, after her first husband ended their 18-year relationship, Ellen met Curtis on the internet. Curtis was living in West Virginia at the time and Ellen always affectionately called him her hillbilly.

Ellen and Curtis at Bears On Broadway

Curtis packed up his belongings in a U-Haul and moved to Canada to be with Ellen. They married in a civil ceremony on December 28, 2001 and three years later, after Curtis had become a Canadian citizen and settled in, they affirmed their marriage with the church ceremony they missed the first time around.

Ellen and I began corresponding via email. Ellen had been diagnosed with renal cell (kidney) cancer in July 2001, at the time we began corresponsing, her cancer was in remission, but in November 2004 it was found to have metastasized.

Ellen was keenly interested in the people she came into contact with, and there was always a special bond between her and Steven. The cancer was a point of shared experience between them, but not the main point, neither of them have ever been defined by their disease. Both of them share great compassion and a strong love of nature and wildlife.

Ellen and Steven

In 2005 we were planning Steven's Make A Wish trip to see the polar bears in Churchill, Manitoba and our flight was arriving in Winnipeg. Ellen lived in Winnipeg and we made arrangements to meet.

Bears On Broadway is an annual display in Winnipeg, different organizations paint lifesize polar bears and they are displayed on the main street and around town. Ellen had written to Steven about it several months in advance of our trip there.

Ellen and the Bling Bling Bear

The bears are put away for the winter, and it turned out they would be put away about two weeks before we were due to arrive for Steven's Make A Wish trip.

Ellen was meeting with her financial planner Dwain and when she mentioned that Steven would be coming to Winnipeg to begin his Make A Wish trip, he said it would be possible to arrange for Steven to see the bears in their winter storage area.

Our family with Ellen and Curtis and the gifts they brought for us

It was a magical day, thanks to Ellen and her financial planner and Doneta who rose to the occasion in short order and got us taken care of after our luggage failed to arrive in time for our trip to the arctic.

Renal cell cancer is slow-growing, but relentless. When it recurred, she was forced to give up the teaching job she loved so well.

Ellen fought with all she had to give, and it wasn't easy, she was one of those people who seemed to suffer every unusual side effect of the drugs she took to keep it at bay.

Throughout it all, her main concern was always for her hillbilly, Curtis. She wrote me many times about her desire that he would be OK when it came time for her to leave him.

This last December I got together a few friends of Ellen's, those I could find email addresses for and who responded to me, and together we folded over 1000 origami cranes for her. The cranes represented our appreciation of her friendship and our prayers that she could overcome her illness.

She left before any of us were ready for her to go, but she leaves behind her a legacy of compassion and love.

Ellen and Curtis and our family in Winnipeg

We are so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet her and Curtis in person. On the day we flew back to California from Winnipeg, we met with Ellen and Curtis for lunch. Ellen tied knots in the four corners of her napkin and put it on her head and pretended to be a Gumby (from Monty Python), sending Steven into gales of laughter.

Two and a half years ago, Ellen wrote:

I have conducted my daily life with two questions in mind: What would Jesus do? And what will people have to say about me after I'm gone? For it is my desire to leave behind as many positive marks, no matter how minute. This has especially shaped me as a teacher, a vocation whose responsibilities I took very seriously. Little did I know that, at the age of fifty, I would be prematurely faced with the reality of my own mortality. I guess you could say I'm glad I didn't wait until the last minute to put my house in order.

Ellen, your work has been exceptional, you get an A. I know what you heard when you stood before our Maker, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

It will be a while before those of us who carry you in our heart get over the pain of this loss, but the lesson you taught us was not to let the bad stuff drag us down. We love you, dear Ellen, from the bottom of our hearts to the tips of the stars.

Good night sweet Ellen, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

- Kathleen

p.s. If you'd like, you can light a candle for Ellen.