Good Night, Sweet Ellen

Ellen Crush
September 23, 1954 to August 23, 2007

After 52 years and 11 months earthside, our dear friend Ellen departed heavenward on Thursday.

Shortly after Steven finished treatment, I became acquainted with Ellen through the internet, a mutual friend got us together.

Ellen was a teacher and a published writer. Possessed of a sharp wit, a bawdy sense of humor, boundless generosity and great compassion, I followed her writings with great interest.

Ellen and Curtis at their church wedding

Her marriage to Curtis was the stuff of fairy tales. It was the second time around for Ellen, after her first husband ended their 18-year relationship, Ellen met Curtis on the internet. Curtis was living in West Virginia at the time and Ellen always affectionately called him her hillbilly.

Ellen and Curtis at Bears On Broadway

Curtis packed up his belongings in a U-Haul and moved to Canada to be with Ellen. They married in a civil ceremony on December 28, 2001 and three years later, after Curtis had become a Canadian citizen and settled in, they affirmed their marriage with the church ceremony they missed the first time around.

Ellen and I began corresponding via email. Ellen had been diagnosed with renal cell (kidney) cancer in July 2001, at the time we began corresponsing, her cancer was in remission, but in November 2004 it was found to have metastasized.

Ellen was keenly interested in the people she came into contact with, and there was always a special bond between her and Steven. The cancer was a point of shared experience between them, but not the main point, neither of them have ever been defined by their disease. Both of them share great compassion and a strong love of nature and wildlife.

Ellen and Steven

In 2005 we were planning Steven's Make A Wish trip to see the polar bears in Churchill, Manitoba and our flight was arriving in Winnipeg. Ellen lived in Winnipeg and we made arrangements to meet.

Bears On Broadway is an annual display in Winnipeg, different organizations paint lifesize polar bears and they are displayed on the main street and around town. Ellen had written to Steven about it several months in advance of our trip there.

Ellen and the Bling Bling Bear

The bears are put away for the winter, and it turned out they would be put away about two weeks before we were due to arrive for Steven's Make A Wish trip.

Ellen was meeting with her financial planner Dwain and when she mentioned that Steven would be coming to Winnipeg to begin his Make A Wish trip, he said it would be possible to arrange for Steven to see the bears in their winter storage area.

Our family with Ellen and Curtis and the gifts they brought for us

It was a magical day, thanks to Ellen and her financial planner and Doneta who rose to the occasion in short order and got us taken care of after our luggage failed to arrive in time for our trip to the arctic.

Renal cell cancer is slow-growing, but relentless. When it recurred, she was forced to give up the teaching job she loved so well.

Ellen fought with all she had to give, and it wasn't easy, she was one of those people who seemed to suffer every unusual side effect of the drugs she took to keep it at bay.

Throughout it all, her main concern was always for her hillbilly, Curtis. She wrote me many times about her desire that he would be OK when it came time for her to leave him.

This last December I got together a few friends of Ellen's, those I could find email addresses for and who responded to me, and together we folded over 1000 origami cranes for her. The cranes represented our appreciation of her friendship and our prayers that she could overcome her illness.

She left before any of us were ready for her to go, but she leaves behind her a legacy of compassion and love.

Ellen and Curtis and our family in Winnipeg

We are so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet her and Curtis in person. On the day we flew back to California from Winnipeg, we met with Ellen and Curtis for lunch. Ellen tied knots in the four corners of her napkin and put it on her head and pretended to be a Gumby (from Monty Python), sending Steven into gales of laughter.

Two and a half years ago, Ellen wrote:

I have conducted my daily life with two questions in mind: What would Jesus do? And what will people have to say about me after I'm gone? For it is my desire to leave behind as many positive marks, no matter how minute. This has especially shaped me as a teacher, a vocation whose responsibilities I took very seriously. Little did I know that, at the age of fifty, I would be prematurely faced with the reality of my own mortality. I guess you could say I'm glad I didn't wait until the last minute to put my house in order.

Ellen, your work has been exceptional, you get an A. I know what you heard when you stood before our Maker, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

It will be a while before those of us who carry you in our heart get over the pain of this loss, but the lesson you taught us was not to let the bad stuff drag us down. We love you, dear Ellen, from the bottom of our hearts to the tips of the stars.

Good night sweet Ellen, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

- Kathleen

p.s. If you'd like, you can light a candle for Ellen.

Update On Regina And Ellen

Regina started high dose chemotherapy on Monday July 9 in an attempt to slow or stop the growth of the dozens of aggressive, fast-growing tumors in her little head.

The weekend before she was admitted to the hospital for chemo, she went to Disneyland and some friends threw her a princess party, complete with princess dresses, jewelry, makeup, and princesses Cinderella and Aurora.

It was almost a perfect party for all those 7-year old girls, except for one uninvited guest.

Regina finished her first cycle of chemotherapy, and had an MRI August 2nd. There seems to be agreement among the doctors there that the scan shows improvement and some shrinkage in Regina's many tumors and Regina tolerated the chemotherapy relatively well, so she is starting another cycle this week.

Our friend Ellen, whom we met in Winnipeg when we went to see the polar bears in Churchill in 2005, is not doing well.

A few months ago I got a few people together and we folded over 1000 origami cranes for Ellen, it was a show of love and support for Ellen, who is loved by so many. There are photos and more information about the cranes here.

Ellen was just moved to a hospice care facility yesterday, she is sleeping most of the time, her husband Curtis at her side.

We are very much saddened by Ellen's decline.

We returned from vacation Sunday night. I'll post photos from our trip soon.

- Kathleen

Polar Bear Adventure Day 7: Quilts and Blankets, Lunch with Friends and Back to San Diego

Lunch with Curtis and Ellen

We spent the night at the Sheraton Four Points at the airport in Winnipeg. The next morning, our friend Ellen and her husband Curtis drove over and met us at our room.

Since we'd been reunited with our luggage, we were able to give Ellen the blanket that we'd made for her.

Steven's preschool made a prayer quilt for him after his surgery and before we left for Memphis. After the quilt was made, they hung it in the lobby of the church and after services, people came out and tied knots and said prayers for him with each knot. That quilt came with us to Memphis and he wrapped himself in it every night during radiation.

My cousin Christine and her kids also made a quilt for Steven during his chemo and Steven slept with both quilts over him every night during treatment.

All the St. Jude kids are given quilts when they come there, it is a symbol of love and comfort in a time of trial.

In that same tradition, we had gone to Hancock Fabrics, a huge supporter of St. Jude, and Steven picked out some velvety soft fleece to make a blanket for Ellen, who's been going through some mighty hard times herself lately.

The blanket had fringe all around the perimeter, which we had to knot, and Steven and I said prayers for Ellen with each knot we tied. We were sure glad the blanket made it to Winnipeg with us and that we were able to give it to her.

We had a great lunch with Ellen and Curtis at the hotel, then we walked from there to the airport to catch our flight home.

We were scheduled to fly from Winnipeg to San Diego via Chicago this time. Because nothing involving air travel ever seems to go smoothly for us, bad weather in Chicago caused us to be diverted to North Bend, Indiana.

We finally made it home, arriving after midnight instead of a little before 10 pm, all luggage intact. Our friend Ginny from Make-A-Wish was waiting to welcome us home at the airport, providing service above and beyond the call of duty considering the hour we finally flew in, but we were glad to see her.

It was an awesome trip, a magical, one-of-a-kind experience, and we are incredibly grateful to all those who contributed to making it happen for us.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

- Kathleen

Polar Bear Adventure Day 1: Travel, Bears, and Good Friends

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
-Lao Tzu

Our journey to Churchill began on Sunday October 30 with a 4:30 am limo ride. Courtesy of Make-A-Wish, we traveled to the airport in style.

The air travel portion of our journey went smoothly (well, almost). We flew first to Denver, had a 45-minute layover, then a 90-minute flight to Winnipeg, where we arrived at 1:15 pm, ahead of schedule.

In Winnipeg, we waited at the carousel for our bags, all five of them. We waited and waited until the carousel was empty and then we waited some more, hoping there would be more luggage coming down the ramp.

Finally, I went to the luggage counter to see what was up. The man typed furiously at a keyboard and eventually told me our luggage didn't make it from Denver. He said they could put it on the next plane, which would arrive at 9:35 pm.

The four of us had traveled to Winnipeg in T-shirts. We had packed all our jackets and boots, they were in the absent luggage. Our train was to leave for Churchill at 8:40 pm, an hour before the earliest time the luggage would arrive.

I burst into tears, poor Steven is trying desperately to cheer me up, the other customs employees are walking over to see what the problem is. We fill out a bunch of forms.

Finally we are done, we leave the customs area and walk into the airport sans baggage, me still sniffling and blotting at my eyes.

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Ellen and Curtis

Now, to backtrack a little. In a previous post, I mentioned we were going to try and meet up with our friend Ellen in Winnipeg.

Back in June, Ellen had posted about an event in Winnipeg, where different businesses would purchase lifesize concrete polar bears and artists would paint them. The bears were displayed in downtown Winnipeg starting in May, the display was called Bears On Broadway. Proceeds from the sales of the bears benefit CancerCare Manitoba.

The bears were removed from display the week before we got to Winnipeg, some being shipped off to other locations and most of them being stored in a warehouse at a decommissioned military base.

Ellen had emailed me two weeks previously telling me that she had just happened to mention Steven and his upcoming visit when she was meeting with her financial planner. Her financial planner had purchased one of the bears on display, and offered to arrange it so Steven could see the bears in their place of hibernation.

I didn't post about it because we wanted it to be a surprise for Steven. Ellen put me in touch with a woman named Doneta, who works for Ellen's financial advisor and who organized the polar bear fundraiser.

Doneta and I had emailed back and forth before we got there, and Doneta had offered to meet us at the airport and drive us to see the bears and meet Ellen and Curtis.

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Steven and Doneta

So, back to the airport. We walked out of customs and into the airport, and there was Doneta waiting for us. She took one look at our polar bear T-shirts, our lack of luggage, and the tears still pouring out of my eyes, and stepped up and introduced herself. She had already figured out we had luggage issues, and took us over to talk to the airline about what we might be able to do.

Doneta was amazing. She's very well connected and seems to know everyone we encountered in Winnipeg. She found someone who located our luggage in Denver and discussed what the airline might be able to do for us. The airline doesn't consider the luggage gone until after 5 days and won't do anything to help until then.

So she got on the phone with Ellen's financial advisor and he offered to pay to get us outfitted with enough clothes to make it to Churchill.

Doneta drove us to Value Village, a secondhand clothing store, and we walked in and found sweatshirts and winter coats for all of us.

Twenty five minutes and eighty dollars later, the four of us had enough clothing to get all four of us to Churchill, and we were on our way to meet Ellen and Curtis and the bears.

Doneta saved us, we've never been to Canada before, much less Winnipeg, we never would have known what to do.

There are angels among us and Doneta is one of them, it's funny how things work out sometimes...

So now for a few of the bears...

Bling-Bling Bear and Ellen

It was so special having Doneta there to tell us about the bears, since she organized the Bears event, she knew everything about them.

Biker Bear (notice the fish skeleton tattoo on his right arm)

Each bear has a story, the person or business who bought the bear, the artist who painted the bear, stories about how the bear fared on display (some bears seemed to be targets for vandalism).

Biker Bear from behind (notice "Born To Fish" on the back of his vest)

It was such a treat to be able to do this, Steven loved it.

Ellen brought a collection of gifts for Steven, a T-shirt with Snowbank Bear on it, a book with a description of all the bears from the exhibit in it (and autographs of some of the artists), a poster for Sean of all the bears in the exhibit, and Trek The Hope Bear for Steven to take with him to Churchill. We had gifts for Ellen and Curtis too, but they were in our missing luggage.

Ellen and Steven with an armful of gifts

After the bears, we all went out to dinner together, then Doneta took us to the train station. Not content to drop us off to walk in on our own, Doneta parked and walked in with us and introduced us to the owner of Frontiers North, the tour company we would be traveling with to Churchill.

Steven wearing his Value Village shirt in our room on the train

After everyone from the tour arrived, we finally boarded the train. We had two rooms, each with two bunks, a sink, and a toilet. The entire room including washroom was smaller than a king size bed, and Steven just loved it.

When I was finally tucking him into bed on the train Sunday night, Steven sighed happily and with a huge smile as he closed his eyes, he said, "I'm so happy, this is the most exciting day of my life!"

We can't thank Ellen, Curtis, Doneta and Ellen's financial advisor Dwaine enough for their part in making last Sunday such a special day.

To Be Continued...

- Kathleen

Countdown to Churchill

Ellen and Curtis (photo courtesy of Phyllis)

Steven's Make-A-Wish trip to Churchill is rapidly approaching. Next Sunday morning, somewhere around 4:30 am, a limousine will arrive at our house to take us to the airport to begin our adventure to view polar bears in their natural habitat.

We will be traveling to Churchill, a town on the Hudson Bay in the subarctic regions of Manitoba.

Our flight will take us to Winnipeg in Manitoba, where we'll have a 7-hour or so layover while we wait for the train that will take us over 1000 miles to Churchill. The train ride is 36 hours long and we will be spending two nights on the train.

During our layover, we will get to meet Ellen and her husband Curtis. Curtis and Ellen live in Winnipeg and we've gotten to know them through the magic of the internet. Ellen taught 10th grade in Winnipeg until about a year ago. She has metastic renal cell cancer which has failed to respond to treatment, but she's a tough lady and she's still in there fighting and we can't wait to meet them. They're both golfers like Doug and the boys, but this is the wrong time of year for golfing.

Once in Churchill, we will be taking a tour courtesy of Frontiers North. Two days in a tundra buggy, on our last day we'll get to go dog-sledding. If atmospheric conditions cooperate for us, maybe we'll get to see the northern lights, a longtime wish of Steven's. We'll fly back to Winnipeg and spend a night before flying home on Saturday November 5.

The polar bear photos at the top of the web page are courtesy of Frontiers North,the company who runs the tour we are doing, and the photos are taken from the tundra buggies, just like the ones we'll be riding in.

We are so excited. Pure magic, thanks to Make-A-Wish and the generous folks who donate to them, our friends at Solana Santa Fe Elementary School, and RA Sushi, whose owner lost a nephew to a brain tumor and who has contributed to our trip. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

- Kathleen