The Understanding Which Bringeth Peace

Steven in the NICU

Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life
- Maureen Hawkins

Our first glimpse of Sean

Mother's Day is rapidly approaching.

I wanted to write something cheery, but I've been looking for the cheery part of me all week and I'm having a bit of trouble finding it.

The cheer is still there, but right now sadness and grief are sitting on top of it clamoring to have their say. So I'm hoping that if I let them speak their piece, afterward they'll leave politely.

Since we entered the world of childhood cancer, we've watched far too many sweet little souls torn out of their mother's arms and into the lap of God. Our little angels may be in a better place, but their mothers most certainly are not.

This week, the week before Mother's Day, there are three that particularly touched me.

All of them boys with the same diagnosis as Steven. Same diagnosis, but different circumstances.

James Chacko died on Tuesday. He was thirteen, two years older than Steven and he started showing symptoms of his tumor about a week after Steven was diagnosed.

James' mother Sarah lost her apparently active and healthy father unexpectedly last week to a stroke. Then her son a few days later.

James went peacefully. He came home from a week away with his family and dog, went to sleep and didn't wake up.

Kevin Suberg died yesterday evening. Kevin was eleven years old, born one month before Steven.

Kevin was diagnosed in 2001. His mother, Dot, wrote to me in 2004 after Kevin's tumor had recurred and asked if I would put Kevin's photo on Steven's site and ask for prayer for him.

Kevin was an only child, it's Kevin's parents that need prayer now.

Alexander Kline died last Sunday at the age of five.

Alex had an older brother, Christopher. Christopher was diagnosed in 2002 at age three with the same kind of tumor that Kyra had.

A little over a year later, Alex's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and metastases to the brain. He died four months later in May 2003.

In January 2004, Christopher died, at the age of 4 1/2. A year and a half later the youngest son, Alex was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Now Alex is gone too. Alex's mom Bonita has one remaining son, Tommy.

In what kind of a world does any of this make sense?

My heart breaks for all the bereaved mothers, the ones who walked their kids to heaven.

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding,
I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
- Helen Keller

Godspeed to sweet James and racer Kevin and little Alexander, may your souls fly free...

On this Mother's Day I am humbly grateful for the privilege of being mom to Steven and Sean. I love my kids, both of them, from the bottom of my heart to the tips of the stars...

- Kathleen